I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
