hotel room ftw
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I need a beard to bite.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
