Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
