I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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