so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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