Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i think im in europe. pls send help
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
