Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
