I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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