then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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