Will you blow on my dice?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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