bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
