i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
