she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
