sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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