Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
