Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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