sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
