Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
