I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
