i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
