So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
