I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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