Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
