You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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