Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
