Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She's just so happy...and so naked.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
