Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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