I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
