Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
