Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
