I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
