Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She's the barista slut.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
