we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
