weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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