We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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