My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
