yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
