i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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