filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
