that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
