I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
