and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
