Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
