Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
