in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
