I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
