Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
