Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
