did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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