i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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