Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
