I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
